letting them down easy.

Discussion in 'Community Debates' started by aliciamarie02, Jun 16, 2006.

  1. aliciamarie02

    aliciamarie02 Regular Member

    I just want some input on how to let someone that cares about you greatly, but you dont have the same feelings for them, know that you dont want a relationship and you have told them from the beginning that all you wanted was a friendship.
    I have this guy after me and he wont take the hint that all I want is a friendship. I met him at a bar, about three to four weeks ago and he hasnt stopped calling since.. and he text messages my phone all the time and I have told him that all he is to me is a friend, my friend has told him that I am not interested too... than he trys making me feel guilty and sad. He will text me.. "Why dont you like me, am I that bad? I will never find my right one!" It kind of gets annoying!
  2. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Tell him you value his friendship, however, you are not interested in taking your friendship any further. In addition, inform him that his persistence on taking your friendship to the next level is becoming uncomfortable to you. Add that if he continues along those lines as much as you enjoy his friendship, you will have to stop having contact with him altogether.

    If he is truly a friend he will stop harassing you; if not, you will have to sever all ties.
  3. Slack with Me

    Slack with Me Regular Member

    Nuts to that... I used to be that type of guy before I grew out of Junior High. The best way to do it, unfortunately, is to make him hate you.

    Suggest a night out with friends, have him bring a friend or two.... and proceed to make out with one. That will drive the point home...

  4. Guest

    Guest Guest

    That, Slack, is cruel! The guy has feelings for her and the two of them can work it out without resorting to head games! Why involve a third party and play games with his head as well?.
  5. Slack with Me

    Slack with Me Regular Member

    But his chance to realize nothing was going to happen, came and went. It's now not a simple crush, it's become a distrubing annoyance that could get even worse...

    you have to draw the line in the sand some time. He's currently promoting head games by asking such questions and acting that way... this isn't a head game this is a straightforward way to approach and dissarm the situation.

    If he doesn't get it after that... he's psycho
  6. GoingNova

    GoingNova Regular Member

    You met him 3 weeks ago? Tell him to stop calling you, PERIOD. Stop with the "friends" stuff... you just met the guy. Tell him STOP CALLING ME.
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    One question - how did he get your number?
  8. mustangkittycat

    mustangkittycat Regular Member

    If I were you I would tell him flat out not to call me anymore. You have two choices here, worry about how badly he might feel while enjoying some peace on your part or live in misery with him bugging you all the time.
  9. Guest

    Guest Guest

    It might be hurtful but tell it as it is. If you go and hide your feelings things will be worse. If this is a true friend the person will understand anyway.
  10. spunkey monkey

    spunkey monkey Regular Member

    unfortunatly slack is right i have met this guy i have talked to this guy and to be honest its not so much a friendship anymore its an obsession. she has tried to nicely explain things to him and all he asks is "why not, why dont you want to be with me" i have explained it him for her and he just doesnt get it.
  11. Guest

    Guest Guest

    So the man is stalking you! He has resorted to harassing you by phone.
    First question you need to ask yourself - did I give him my telephone number? Did I invite him to call? Have I made it quite clear that I no longer wish to receive phone calls or text messages from him? Am I willing to have my cell phone number or other phone numbers changed and unlisted? What message am I giving this guy that leads him to believe that I still want contact with him? What part am I playing in this event?
    Ask yourself what you were thinking when you met this guy at the bar. Did he seem like the kind of person you would want to have as a friend? How inebriated were the two of you? Sometimes being half lit, your judgment of people and events is impaired. Do you still feel that the two of you can be friends? IS he really your friend? Or is he becoming your worst nightmare? How many times have you seen him since the night you first met? What sub-conscious message are sending to him?

    Most people,if I am not mistaken, do not find it necessary to inform people they have just meet that they want only a friendship with the party. Why is it that you found it necessary to inform this guy you only just meet that you wanted a mere friendship with him? Was he indicating that he wanted more than that on the night you met? If so, then the red flags were up that this may be signs of trouble !

    AS difficult as you may find this next statement,facts prove : NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL guilty, sad, glad, mad or anything in between.
  12. spunkey monkey

    spunkey monkey Regular Member

    ok i delt with this guy for alicia the other night he got really rude with both of us. then a male friend told him to stop calling her and he still is prosistant. this guy is just a big pain in the ass
  13. Slack with Me

    Slack with Me Regular Member

    Well this where you turn to your male friends.

    Ask them to 'politely' let him know his presence and attention is unwelcomed.

    My definition of poltiely might be slighty different then yours though. My politely would be with the obvious inclusion and threat of a entirely viewable baseball bat, whilst having the talk.

    Yours may be somethign to the extent of your biggest male friend giving hima solid no and that it'd be better for all three of you if it ended right there.

  14. spunkey monkey

    spunkey monkey Regular Member

    oh our guy friend told him to leave her alone or he may find himself locked in the trunk of his car and floating in the bay and well that still didnt work
  15. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Call the cops since everyone thinks the police can handle anything.
  16. aliciamarie02

    aliciamarie02 Regular Member

    Thanks spunky for keeping everyone updated.. I have been moving and my computer was at the old house with no internet.. but its true.. he kept calling even after the fact that our friend had called him and told him to leave me and spunky alone.. Than it resorted to me telling him off and told him that I didnt want to talk to him ANYMORE, than he texted my phone and said "i will make this easy, leave me the F**K alone. So, I am happy about that but its only been a day, and last time that he said he was mad at me and didnt want to talk it was two days than back to the same crap.
  17. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Why does it not surprise me that you are a friend of Spunkey? Have either of you two girls ever considered enrolling in a self-esteem class or assertiveness training courses? I am sure there are plenty of self-help groups out there that would help the both of you to understand just what part you play in attracting losers! It would be worth looking into before you find yourself in a more dangerous situation!!

    I give this advice as a friend and it should not be taken as a put down.
  18. aliciamarie02

    aliciamarie02 Regular Member

    That was down right rude. Maybe you come and live around this area and see what we have to put up with around here.. than maybe you can take those "SELF ESTEEM" classes that you are talking about.
    You know.. I read some of the past posts on this site and there were some people complaining about how that there were so many people signing up and never coming back.. but maybe its because they read what other people put and decide its not worth coming back because there are people on here "not naming any names" that are down right fricken rude!!!!!!!!!!
  19. spunkey monkey

    spunkey monkey Regular Member

    EXCUSE ME?????? explain to me y you think you have the right or need to write such things? i have self-esteem and i am asserive when i need to be. i dont need need a self help group. maybe you are the one that needs the self help group since you seem to be a lonly old man that enjoys making others feel bad. you may think you are just being honest but you know what you are just being rude. dont thate that as a put down think about it if some one told you the same think i think you would take it as a put down too!
  20. Guest

    Guest Guest

    The truth always hurts. Now when the sting subsides, alicia, check out this site: http://www.lifepositive.com/mind/personal-growth/self-love/esteem.asp

    AS for my complaining about people signing up and not posting - let me clarify this once and for all.

    I am corresponding with a couple of posters - outside of BA. A while back one of them stopped posting however,I knew that the poster was reading the posts daily. Thus the "posts" about people signing on and not posting. It was a message meant for my off line friend to start posting and liven the place up somewhat!

    It had no bearing on any other posters as I have no idea who has signed up and posted nor do I care. If a person wants to post - fine; want to leave, that's fine too!

    Back to self-esteem - people with low self-esteem are not bad people, they just need to do some mental house-cleaning.

    Attracting the type of men that you and Spunkey seem to attract can be fatal. So if you don't want some friendly advice and prefer to believe it is rude to suggest that you take a look at what part you are playing in attracting losers, then it's OK! Not a problem! Post away and I will just read what you have to say and not comment! That should make you feel better!:)

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